I want desperately to write about something besides babies. Anything at all. Believe it or not, there was a time when there was more to my life than breastfeeding and washing onesies. And getting peed on and changing diapers. I’m pretty sure there’s still a shred of myself here somewhere, buried under all of that stuff; somewhere, the Erica still exists beneath the Momma, and she has some things to say. I think.
The fact of the matter is, it stops being about you the minute you find out you’re pregnant. Everything you do suddenly revolves around baby, and that’s all anyone wants to talk to you about. Eventually, it’s all you
can talk about because it has completely consumed your life (as it should– you’re growing a human being, after all) and relating to anything else is borderline impossible. And when that baby is finally here? Forget about it.
Sometimes I wonder when it all happened. Just three years ago, I was fratting all over State College and changing my major every five seconds. Now, I’m married with a baby and getting four consecutive hours of sleep is the biggest accomplishment of my day. Blink of an eye? Understatement.
I mean it when I say that I am the luckiest girl in the whole world. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I hold that title. I’m only 22 and already I’m married to an incredible, strong man, and together we have a healthy sweet boy.
We may not have a lot, but we have enough, and that’s all you can really ask for. It isn’t lost on me, though, that it has all happened very fast.
But that’s what your twenties are supposed to be– life happening in big obvious ways, all at once. It’s the decade of graduations and first jobs; getting engaged and getting married; having babies and buying houses. These last few years, it seems like my life has been on fast forward, hurdling ahead from one milestone to the next; I don’t think I’ve really had the time to process it all. While it’s surely an incredible adventure, it’s still incredibly scary.
All new adventures are bound to bring about change. Relationships evolve, roles are redefined, new dispositions are discovered; becoming a momma is no exception. I just hope that the Erica doesn’t get completely lost in the Momma. That girl who sang in All State Chorus? She’s still there, singing “Stand By Me” for the five-hundredth time so Landon will fall asleep. The student council president? She’s busy running a household.
Well, she had her moment in the sun.
I’ll figure out how the Momma fits in with the Erica eventually. There might be a few (hundred) more posts about babies first, but he’s cute so you’re over it. Don’t miss me too much– I’ll find my way back.