Student Teaching

If you know me at all, you know that I am Type A to the core. Textbook definition. I am the queen of lists, I would have a panic attack if my planner ever went missing, and the very idea of things not going to plan practically throws me into convulsions. I am a perfectionist down to the last detail, and it bothers me when people don’t notice how hard I work.
…and I have friends how?
Don’t lie to yourself. You may not be this particular breed of crazy, but there’s a part of you that’s a closet-nutcase and crazy is crazy, all the same. Mine just happens to get in the way all the time.
The motto of my mentor teacher’s classroom is “Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!” and we spend most of each day reminding our kids that these are words to live by; you have to take a chance and trust yourself in order to learn. And while I might talk the talk, I definitely can’t walk the walk.

Here’s the thing about student teaching. Through the teacher lens, you are constantly analyzing your students, be it through their work, their behaviors, or otherwise. So as a studentΒ teacher, you are strangely aware of the fact that you, too, are being observed under this lens, by your mentor teacher and in your own personal reflections. Translation? At any given moment, I am on the verge of a panic attack because I’m so stressed out over whether or not I’m doing everything right.

You’re welcome, Pfizer.

Most people can accept the fact that when you’re doing something for the first time, you’ll probably make some mistakes. I am not most people. I want so badly for everything to be perfect that I obsess over it. And if I don’t receive praise for it? It must have been bad. Chalk that up to being firstborn and praised for everything from day one. Also, I’m clearly a nutcase.

While the goal of student teaching is to learn how to teach, I’m finding that a big part of it for me is learning to be a better student– to allow myself an opportunity to take chances and learn from them. I can see myself in the kids I’m teaching. The kid who is constantly seeking approval? There I am. The kid who has to tell you every time he does something well? There I am. The kid who’s afraid to try something because he might be wrong? There I am. Watching them grow and change over the last few weeks gives me reason to believe that someday, I’ll be ready to take the crazy down a notch. Until then, just love me anyway =]

P.S. Slacking much? Sorry for the shortage of blog lovin’. I’m a busy lady! Everyone is happy and healthy and enjoying this beautiful fall weather. T-minus seven months until graduation and it can’t get here fast enough!

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